Pillow Talks Podcast

Ask a sex therapist is back!



Have you ever Googled something about sex and then immediately deleted your search history? 🥵



In this week’s episode, Vanessa (a sex therapist with 20+ years of experience) and Xander (her ever-curious, regular dude husband) answer your most personal, pressing, wait-am-I-the-only-one? questions about sex, intimacy, and everything in between.

Here’s what we’re diving into:

Is it weird if my partner and I don’t kiss during sex? (Pretty Woman, anyone?)



What exactly is pegging?



Is it normal for other things to be “better than sex”?



Can using a penis pump have consequences?



Should you get a vasectomy? (Xander’s in the club!)



Postpartum sex — what are men really thinking?



Can responsive/spontaneous desire be taught? Like can you switch your type?





❤️ Ready to go deeper? Your questions deserve more than just a quick answer. Inside our monthly membership Deeper, we help you actually take the next step — with expert-designed tools, guided content, live sessions with us, and unlimited access to Vanessa AI (your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach).

🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper



Resources Mentioned:

Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay

Ultimate Sex Guides  👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-sex-guide?ref=podcast-211&utm_term=podcast-211

🎧 Stay connected:

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ ⁠https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander⁠

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.

Sign up here 👉🏻 ⁠vmtherapy.com/subscribe⁠

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!













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Maybe it’s a gross habit that totally kills the mood…



Maybe it’s a bigger issue that leaves you feeling unseen or disconnected…



This week, we’re diving into a question we hear all the time: Should I be putting up with this in my relationship?



Whether it’s your partner’s lack of ambition, a dead bedroom, constant yelling, or socks in the couch cushions (yep, really) — we’re breaking down how to tell the difference between healthy compromise and straight-up self-betrayal.



We’re walking through real stories submitted by our audience and sharing tools to help you:

Tune into your own boundaries.



Get clear on what’s worth working through.



Speak your truth without blowing things up.





The difference between patience and people-pleasing.



When to accept a quirk vs. when to draw a hard line.



How to handle dead bedrooms, defensiveness, and money fights.



What to do if your partner’s gross habits are killing your vibe.



The truth about “sticking it out” vs. knowing when you’ve had enough.



🎧 Whether you're questioning the little things (like nose-picking 😬) or the big things (like being completely ignored emotionally or sexually), this episode is here to help you figure out your next move.



Ready to go Deeper with us?

Inside our Deeper membership, you’ll get access to our full library of expert-created resources, including the guides, courses, and coaching tools we wish every couple had. PLUS — instant answers to your most intimate questions via Vanessa AI, your 24/7 virtual sex and relationship coach (and new bestie).



🎉 Podcast listeners get 25% off your first month! Use the code PILLOW at checkout right here 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/deeper

🔥Treat your partner to the best f0repl@y they’ve ever had with The Ultimate Foreplay Guides 👉🏻 https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay



🎧 Stay connected:

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe



🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!



========================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

========================

👏Thanks Remi. Give your teeth a break without breaking the bank with Remi and save up to 50%. ➡︎ https://shopremi.com/PILLOW

👏 Thanks Cure. Get 20% off your first order. Stay hydrated and feel your best! ➡︎ https://curehydration.com/PILLOW

👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks

👏Thanks Flure. Being you is sexy! Explore what you like on Flure Dating App ➡︎https://www.flure.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Does sex feel like a chore to you?

According to 86% of our audience? Yes.



Maybe sex doesn’t feel great. Maybe it it’s more about your partner getting their needs met than you. Maybe it’s just started to feel like another thing to check off your list.



But maybe the issue isn’t sex at all.



Maybe it’s that you’re carrying too much — between the keeping the household running (and kind of clean), parenting logistics, and the weight of every single thing it takes to adult…



It’s not that sex is a chore: it’s that chores are sabotaging your sex life!



In this episode, we’re breaking down how mental load affects desire, intimacy, and overall relationship satisfaction (spoiler alert: a lot more than you think).



And of course, we’re sharing practical tools to help lighten the load and bring the connection back.



💛 Here’s what we’re covering:

What mental load actually is



Why resentment and “keeping score” kill intimacy



What happens when your partner starts to feel more like your kid than your teammate



How to have more conversations about sharing the load



What you can do today to start shifting the dynamic



Whether you’re feeling unseen, exhausted, or just plain over it—this episode is here to help you feel more supported, connected, and so much less alone.



⏰ Last chance to snag 2 of our most supportive tools in the shop! ⏰



The Mental Load Workbook and Your Best Week Ever are officially retiring on May 25th. These are the last few days to grab these super affordable and potentially life-changing products.



We designed them to help you:

Rebalance the invisible labor in your relationship



Get on the same page with your partner (without nagging or blowing up)



Reconnect emotionally and physically—even when life is busy



These are the strategies that helped us transform our own dynamic — and we want that for you too!



🗓 Sunday, May 25th is the final day to buy them a la carte.



🧠  Mental Load Workbook: 👉🏻 https://shop.vmtherapy.com/mental-load-workbook?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209

💓 Your Best Week Ever 👉🏻 https://buy.vmtherapy.com/best-week-ever-only?ref=snst25-podcast-209&utm_term=snst25-podcast-209





STAY CONNECTED:

📸 Follow us on Instagram ➡️ https://instagram.com/vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns.  Sign up here 👉🏻 vmtherapy.com/subscribe

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!



=================================

THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS

=================================

👏 Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial ➡︎ https://dipseastories.com/pillow

👏 Thanks StoryWorth. Save $15 during their Father's Day sale ➡︎ https://storyworht.com/pillow.

👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW

👏Thanks Goodwipes. Goodwipes will elevate your everyday hygiene with premium wipes that deliver a superior clean that no dry toilet paper can match. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

In this episode, we’re giving you a realistic, 4-week plan to help you and your partner get out of that relationship rut — even if you're super busy, overwhelmed, or feeling disconnected.



No grand gestures. No impossible checklists.



Just simple, thoughtful actions you can start this week to feel closer again — emotionally and physically.



Here’s what we’re covering:

The difference between a rut and a red flag 🚩



How we define “realistic” connection (especially if you’ve got zero bandwidth)



A step-by-step, week-by-week game plan you can follow



Specific daily, midweek, and weekend actions to help you reconnect



Why it’s okay to not feel fireworks right away — and what to focus on instead



A challenge to get started right now 👀



Whether you’ve been together 2 years or 20, this plan can help you feel like a team again — without adding more stress to your plate.



LINKS & RESOURCES

📝  4-Week Relationship Reset PDF — Your Companion Workbook for EPISODE 208: Stuck In A Relationship Rut? Here’s Your 4-Week Fix ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/4-week-reset



👋 The Art of Initiation — your guide to making initiation feel easier, sexier, and more satisfying  ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/art-of-initiation?ref=podcast-208&utm_term=-podcast-208



💖 Deeper Membership — full access to our relationship toolkit, core courses, live monthly sessions, and more ➡︎ https://vmtherapy.com/deeper



✅ Turn Me On: Your Initiation Style Guide — a free guide to discover your unique initiation style (and how to use it!) ➡︎ https://free.vmtherapy.com/initiation-style-guide



STAY CONNECTED

📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here!

🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

========================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ========================= 👏 Thanks Blissy. Get better sleep, hair, and skin with Blissy. Get an additional 30% off ➡︎ https://blissy.com/PILLOWPOD. 👏 Thanks ZocDoc. Download the ZocDoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. ➡︎ https://zocdoc.com/pillow 👏Thank you goPure. For a limited time, get 25% off. ➡︎ https://www.gopurebeauty.com/PILLOW 👏Thanks Wild Alaskan. Get $35 off your first box of premium, wild-caught seafood. ➡︎ https://wildalaskan.com/PILLOW Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Ready for our go-to masterclass on one of the most overlooked (but absolutely essential) parts of intimacy?

We’re bringing back one of our most downloaded episodes of all time — and trust us, it’s worth a re-listen (or a first-time bender if you’re new around here).



Foreplay — the most misunderstood, rushed-through, and skipped-over part of sex. But here’s the truth: foreplay isn’t optional. It’s not just a warm-up. It’s the whole damn vibe.



In this episode, we’re breaking down the 5 biggest mistakes couples make when it comes to foreplay — and how to turn things around so it actually feels good (for both of you).



Here’s what we’re diving into:

Why “just get to the point” is killing the vibe



What makes receiving foreplay so hard (especially for women — hi, it’s not your fault)



The most common foreplay ruts we all fall into



How to make foreplay fun again — not forced, awkward, or performative



A mindset shift that will change how you think about sex forever



Whether you’re feeling stuck, unsure what your partner wants, or just ready for a heck of a lot more pleasure… this episode is your permission slip.



Links & Resources:



🔥 The Ultimate Foreplay Guides ➡︎ https://buy.vmtherapy.com/ultimate-foreplay-guides?ref=podcast-207&utm_term=podcast-207



Stay Connected:

📸 Follow us on Instagram @vanessaandxander

💌 Get our weekly email — with behind-the-scenes stories, expert tips, and so many sex puns 👉🏻 Sign up here!



🎧 Never miss an episode! Subscribe to Pillow Talks wherever you listen to pods!

================================= THANKS TO OUR SPONSORS ================================= 👏Thanks Beam. Get up to 40% off for a limited time ➡︎ https://shopbeam.com/PILLOW 👏 Thanks Hungryroot. Get 40% off your first box and a free item of your choice for life ➡︎ https://hungryroot.com/pillow 👏Thanks Cozy Earth. Get an exclusive discount for up to 40% off. ➡︎ https://cozyearth.com/pillowtalks 👏Thanks Alloy. Get $20 off your first order today. ➡︎ https://myalloy.com/PILLOW

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